A boy falling onto a trampoline which is split in half, one side with a lady blowing smoke and alcohol being poured over him. The other half is kids playing outside at a birthday party. 

The Lowdown

We’re not going to tell you that’s ok - drug use and heavy drinking 

 harmful and can cause you serious damage, but we know that you may be experimenting regardless, so it’s important that you know how to be safe and protect yourself from harm.

Check out the Drug Foundation’s rules for safer drug use 

If drugs and alcohol become a larger part of your life this could gradually increase your chances of facing struggles with your mental health.

The thing is, you might feel good at the time but in the days or weeks after a big night you may often feel worried, down and sometimes your sense of reality can be affected. That’s because the alcohol and/or drugs have changed the balance of chemicals that help your brain think, feel, create or make decisions.

Here are some ways that excessive drinking of alcohol or taking drugs could impact your life:

Struggling to eat normally and care for yourself

You may find yourself damaging or losing relationships with people you care about

Even if you know that using these substances isn’t good for you, sometimes it’s hard to say ‘no’ when all your mates are getting on it. If you’re doing things you don’t enjoy just to fit in with your friends, that’s worth thinking about a bit more. 

If you’re thinking about quitting and don’t think you can resist the offer or pressure when you’re around certain people, be honest with your friends and ask for their support. If they’re not on board with you quitting, try taking a time out from those activities with them and hang out with other people who share similar interests but don’t use the drugs and/or alcohol you’re trying to avoid.

There are less harmful ways of feeling good. Making choices that put your safety first doesn’t have to be boring or hard!

If you think that your drinking or drug use might be a bit too much, reach out to a professional or someone you trust and ask them for help.

Here is a link to support if your family or someone you love is struggling with addiction.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

There are lots of reasons you might want to drink alcohol or take drugs. It could be to have fun when you’re with friends, to relax and take your mind off things, you might be feeling peer pressure or maybe you’re just interested in them and want to try it out and experiment. For some people, your first experience of alcohol or drug use may be with your family.

Educate yourself on the risks and consequences of alcohol and drug use as a young adult. Learn how to make informed choices and protect your health and well-being with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

Alcohol and Drug Use | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Alcohol and Drugs

A man in a Los Angeles cap and denim jacket sits in the centre of the screen, talking to the camera.

Mana Pasifika

Allister shares his powerful story of surviving tough times with his mental health and circumstances in his life.

All-star shares his powerful story of surviving tough times with his mental health and circumstances in his life. 

Mana Pasifika: Allister's Journey with Mental Health | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Allister's Journey with Mental Health

I've been fortunate enough to pioneer hip hop dance in New Zealand
with Dziah Dance Crew
which was back in 2003
we were the first team to come back from
the Hip Hop Championships in Los Angeles at the time
Now we have like, 12, 13 crews going every single year,
which is, which is a bit of a buzz
but, at the time, we were just trying to make a name for ourselves
and very fortunate to go from Dziah to then start
our team that we have now, which is Prestige Dance Crew.
We got sponsored by Lee, by Nike
we got sponsored by Adidas for a few years
which was mind-blowing for a kid that dropped out of school
and I didn’t even have Adidas shoes myself
and now to be considered the All Blacks of dance in 2006
it was too much for myself.
We also didn’t have mentors at that time,
we were getting gigs left, right and centre
like, people wanting us here, which was really cool,
but we didn’t know what to do with it
I’m gutted, but I'm also about trusting in the process
and understanding that life takes you where
you need to go but,
in terms of capitalizing on that moment
I guess the learning for me was to understand
that, moving forward now,
but we've had to do lots of learning,
lots and lots and lots of learning.
I'm also a secondary teacher, been teaching out at
Manurewa High School for the last 5 years.
There’s been lots of like, in terms of just myself personally,
the wellbeing stuff, in terms of what I was going through
dance, what saved my life
without dance then I would have, I guess
been the stereotype, the stigma, the what everyone said,
what everyone says of South Auckland kids.
But fortunate that it didn’t happen, it didn’t go that way,
I stuck to dance,
I was fortunate enough to have the right people around me at the right times.
Its a difficult subject man, its difficult because,
everybody has their own personal view on it,
and just for myself like,
over the last 3 years I've been dealing with it intensely
so intense focus, really understanding it for myself
trying to unpack it, speaking to the people I need to that I need to speak that have,
the skillsets to be able to give me the frames and the understandings
but still a lot of it is you as an individual still kind of journeying through so,
thirty years of trauma for myself,
and I’m only 35, like three decades from when I was 5,
to now be 35, its, even though I was doing significant, cool, exciting things
inside I felt like I was in a jail,
inside I didn’t feel anyone cared,
inside I didn’t feel anyone loved,
but then I was purely on my own personal journey.
From physical, to mental, to sexual,
all of those sort of abusive behaviours that kind of happened to me was,
something that, really effected me as an individual,
I’m just grateful that there were other family members that,
even though they knew I was,
I was kind of crazy, I was going through like,
emotional rollercoasters, I was up and down as a kid,
I moved between so many different homes
because I was considered, crazy.
Dance came through, it helped, definitely saved my life
I'm just trying to focus on me so I can be, I guess, the best version
for my boys, for my wife, for my colleagues, for the teams I'm apart of,
You know, just to be on and so that people that see us
they understand that, yes we aren’t perfect,
but we can do whatever we want.
I just think if people can focus on the day,
especially if your in it, like if its raw, if its,
and you haven’t been able to speak to it,
talk to someone, definitely talk to someone,
reach out, speak to someone that’s close to you
to ask for help, for some organizations.
Please, that’s what I would offer, is to speak to someone.


A brick wall with graffiti bubble writing that has the words "dating" and "sex" repetitively. In the centre, overlayed on the top, are two hands being held. 

Dating can look very different depending on who you are, what you want from it and who you’re seeing. Maybe you just want to go out with some interesting people and have fun, or maybe you want a relationship. You could be looking to find ‘the one’, or you might be interested in seeing more than one person. Maybe you’re having sex, or perhaps you’re not interested or not ready yet. Maybe you haven’t yet dated anyone and don’t know where to start. Perhaps the idea of dating is not interesting to you, or your only interest is in romantic feelings you have with people you get to know well. All of these things are normal and okay.

Regardless of what your dating life looks like, all relationships and sexual encounters you take part in should be based around respect, consent and enjoyment for yourself and the person or people you’re seeing.

All relationships exist on a spectrum that runs from healthy, happy and respectful at one end, through to toxic and/or abusive at the other end. It’s important to know what to look for in a partner who will appreciate and respect who you are and have things in common with you, to make sure you’re forming healthy relationships.

When you’re in a healthy relationship, you and your partner(s) should:

Are able to openly and honestly communicate without being afraid of your partner’s reaction

Have set boundaries that are mutually respected, like understanding that you need to spend time with whānau or friends, or respecting that some things are off limits for you.

Have things in common that help you to connect and enjoy quality time together.

Do not attempt to manipulate or control your partner

Sometimes when you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you can be so used to it that it can be difficult to identify and acknowledge the 

 that are there. If you think your relationship might be bad for you, the best thing you can do is to talk to someone you trust about the struggles you’re facing and ask their advice. If you’re not sure what an unhealthy relationship might look like, here are some red flags to watch out for:

You’re not able to communicate how you feel when a problem arises without an argument or being told you’re wrong.

You feel controlled or like your partner has isolated you from your friends and family

Your partner doesn’t care about your feelings

Your partner doesn’t respect your preferences in contraception/safe sex

It's never okay for your partner to hit you, but it's important to understand that physical violence isn't the only sign of an abusive or unhealthy relationship.

In an abusive relationship, you might experience one or more of the following things:

Physical abuse – If your partner has hit, choked or thrown objects at you, pushed you around or maybe done smaller things like twisting your arm or pinching you. Even if they’ve only done it once, this is still abuse.

Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse – There are many forms of abuse that impact you emotionally or psychologically, or use words to hurt you. This might include: Calling you names. Acting jealous or possessive or isolating you from family or friends. Telling you that everything is your fault. Making you believe that everything you do is not good enough. Saying things that they know will hurt you. Making you believe that you’re exaggerating and it’s not that bad, or that other people will think you’re a bad person if they know the ‘truth’ about you. Making you believe that the bad things they do are because you’re a bad partner.

Sexual abuse – Having sex with you or touching your body without your consent. Making you feel like it’s your duty as their partner to have sex with them, or telling you that consent doesn’t apply because you’re in a relationship. Forcing or pressuring you to do things sexually that you don’t want to do.

It’s important to know that all of these things are never ok and it’s not your fault

. You are worthy of respect and you do not deserve to be treated in any of these ways.

If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, you might be confused or scared of what will happen if you leave or tell other people what’s happening to you. You might think that it’s easier to stay than to face any struggles you might end up in if you leave. You also might still really love the person who’s abusing you. This is all normal. It’s important to know that life will get better if you leave, even if you have to face some tough times and heartbreak first.

 or one of the support services listed at 

 – they have support systems that can help you leave an unsafe situation. Alternatively, talk to someone you trust who has no connections to your abuser and ask them for help. 

If someone is hurting you and you’re able to call the police, you need to call 111. If you’re scared to go to the police, call one of the support services listed above as soon as you can and ask them for help – most of the numbers are free to call and they will do everything they can to make sure you’re safe.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you talk to may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else – you are important and just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean what you’re facing isn’t real.

Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable for both you and your partner, but sometimes, especially when you’re young, you may struggle to know how to communicate what you enjoy and what doesn’t make you feel good. You 

 to do anything you don’t want to, and it’s important that you and those you have sex with communicate about what you want and have a good understanding of consent and safety.

You can find super easy explanations of consent 

 but let us break it down for you quickly.

Before you have sex or get intimate (kissing, touching etc.) with anyone, you need to have a conversation about consent, when you take a moment to check in with each other and make sure everyone involved is keen to do this. 

If it isn’t an enthusiastic “Yes!”, it’s a no.

If you don’t get a clear yes, you need to back off, give the person some space and ask them if they want to talk about how they’re feeling. If you don’t feel sure about whether you want to have sex or not, ask them to slow things down, pause and take some time out or talk a while before you make your decision.

If everyone involved says yes but then one of you doesn’t feel good during the encounter or doesn’t want to do something, you need to pause things so you can check if everyone involved wants to continue or someone wants to stop.

Remember, you have the right to change your mind and stop things at any point if you’re not feeling good.

It’s also important to make sure that you’re having safer sex. Using a condom protects against STIs and ensures that you do your part to protect your sexual partners against pregnancy and/or infection. Regardless of whether you’re capable of pregnancy, using the contraception available for your own body means that protection against STIs is in your own control and nobody you have sex with can mess that up.

For information on safe sex, contraception and heaps of sexual health advice, check out the 

 website. You can also book an appointment to talk about what you need and access free or subsidised contraception.

To join the conversation about sexual health in Pacific communities, head to 

If you have recognised any abusive behaviours in yourself and you want to change, you are absolutely capable of doing this, but it’s a lot easier if you get help. There are different services available to help you depending on where you live, so have a look online (search for Stopping Violence Services + your area), ask a trusted adult to help you find support or call Stopping Violence Services on 0800 4SVS SVS (0800 478 778).

The topic of dating & sex is a big one, and it’s totally normal to have questions about it all. Who you are in a relationship is a whole new aspect of your identity to explore and define.

Are you navigating the world of dating and sex? It's normal to have questions, and we've got some of the answers. Explore and get the info you need to make safe and healthy choices with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

Dating and Sex | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Dating and Sex

Abuse is never OK and there are no excuses for it. If you're facing abuse, it's important that you share with someone about what's going on. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

#Abuse

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