The Lowdown

In 'NWA', 17-year-old Lisa Tuulima emphasises the importance of friendship as a source of comfort and connection in a world that can often feel isolating. The poem speaks to finding support in each other's company and being able to be yourself without fear of judgement.

In 'NWA', Lisa Tuulima uses the power of spoken word to highlight the unique bond of true friendship and how it provides comfort and connection in a world that can feel isolating. 

NWA - Lisa Tuulima | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

NWA - Lisa Tuulima

Lost
in a world not made for them
thinking all we have is only one another
pieces of ourselves are missing
constantly failing to acknowledge only
I know what pieces fit together
to make me, me
and you, you
to cry without forcing laughter
to drop an outworn mask
is to truly show you the REAL me
it's to show you
I am human
something we use our humour
to replace  
and call "tough love"
the kind of tough love we received growing up
projected all throughout our friendship
with a hit of bus therapy
every now & then
when we realise
we catch up
with everyone else around us
but we never actually catch up
with each other
tho unaware we quite like them
just socially awkward
but we're quite like them
in the crowd 
But it’s less lonely here
Coz at least we have each other
To whisper secrets to through secret glances
And mock each other 


Figure sitting in darkness made up of words. Hand touching up back and lighting up showing support.

Is your friend in crisis? Find help for yourself, a friend or anyone you know who is contemplating suicide or self harm 

Don’t forget to look after your safety as well. You’re not alone in this.
Protect your wairua and treat yourself with the same care that you would offer others.

Have you noticed changes in someone’s behaviour that make you think they’re really not ok? It’s a good time to speak up.

You may feel uncomfortable asking, but it’s important to be clear and direct. It can be as simple as “Are you thinking about suicide?”

They could avoid the question, they could be offended, they could get upset, but at least they’ll know you’ve got their back.

People are most likely to turn to close friends or family for support.

That might be you. Be non-judgemental, take the time to listen and acknowledge how they’re feeling.
Ask them if they will consider talking to a mental health professional. This is important so that you can keep them safe and take that pressure off your own shoulders, where it doesn’t belong. You are not responsible for keeping your friend alive all by yourself, so don’t carry that load alone. If they refuse to get help, talk to a trusted adult or to their parents/caregivers. Just 

If they talk about suicide or not wanting to be there (even as a joke), start giving stuff away or are saying goodbye to friends, these are signs you need to take seriously and do something about - even if they’ve asked you not to.

If you think anyone in your life could be in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, tell somebody ASAP. Reach out to their parents/caregivers, a school counsellor, kaumātua, trusted whanau, 

 It’s better to have a friend who is mad at you for breaking their trust than a friend who’s injured or gone.

Here are some ways you can help a friend who is suicidal:

If you feel they are in immediate danger of harming themselves, don’t leave them alone. Call 111 immediately, even if they haven’t harmed themselves yet.

Take it seriously – even if they’ve been saying it for a long time and never acted on it

Acknowledge their feelings, thoughts and what they are going through

Show your concern by paying attention and asking questions

Don’t be afraid to ask tough questions, for example, “Are you hurting yourself?”, “Are you thinking about suicide?”, “Do you have a plan?” If they have a plan to harm themselves, you need to call 111 right away.

Ask them if they want to talk about what’s going on for them with you or someone else. They might not want to open up straight away, but letting them know you are there for them is a big help.

Don’t promise not to tell. Instead, you can say something like, “I need you to know that I can’t keep this a secret because I care about you” and work to create a plan that you’re both comfortable with.

Problem solve with them - maybe they don’t want you to tell their parents, but instead you could agree on someone else you could go to (trusted whānau or 

Try to remove any dangerous objects from their environment (e.g. knives, pills, rope, anything sharp).

Stay with them until someone else can join you to help, or for as long as it is safe for you to be there. If you can, make sure they won’t be left alone.

It’s important to note that sometimes the person you go to for help may not offer you the help and support you need, but don’t give up there. Try again with someone else – this is important. Just because someone doesn’t listen or give you the help you need doesn’t mean that what you & your friend are facing isn’t real.

Remember to check in on yourself – are you doing ok? Is supporting your friend having an impact on your own wellbeing? Don’t take on more than you can handle, ask someone you trust for help if you’re struggling and 

Think of it like the safety instructions on a plane – they always tell you to put your own life preserver on first before helping those around you. 

You can’t help anyone else if you’re not ok yourself!

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Is a mate really starting to worry you? If you think someone may be suicidal, ask them. Asking about suicide will not put the thought in their head, but it could save their life. It’s important to ask directly so that you can get them the help they need right away.

Worried about a friend? The Lowdown Aotearoa offers tips and resources to help you support a friend who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. 

Supporting a Suicidal Friend | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Supporting a Suicidal Friend

Three guys are huddling in front of a triangle with golden Pacific patterns. In the middle of the triangle are two hands shaking. 

Having good friendships is really important to our happiness. It helps us to feel secure in our lives, gives us someone to talk to about whatever is on our mind, and gives us special people to hang out with and enjoy the things we like to do together. They can be someone you can talk to about the things you can’t share with anyone else – not even your family. A good friend is someone who’s there for you when you need support, and that’s important to have in your life.

One of the easiest way to find potential new friends is to think about the people who already exist in your wider life. Think friends of friends, the people you know at school but don’t really hang out with, or your sports teammates.

Try and identify a few of these people who you like and would want to be friends with, and follow them on Instagram, TikTok or Snapchat. Over the next little while, start engaging with their stories and content. If something they’ve posted is cool, give it a like. Try responding to one of their stories with a positive message or a question, and see if they engage with that – it could turn into a conversation.

If they respond to you in a friendly way, keep it up – try and start conversations about things they’re posting about, and from there, see if you can keep those conversations going into other topics.

You could say something like “Hey, have you seen Demon Slayer? I can’t wait for the new season!” and if they have, ask them another question related to the topic. If they haven’t, then ask them what they are into and see if there’s something else there you can connect on.

It can take time to build a connection with someone and it won’t always work – not everyone will be a good fit for you as a friend and not everyone will have room in their life or even want to be your friend, but that’s ok. Just like you probably know some people who just aren’t your type of person, you’re not going to be everyone else’s type and if you can recognise that that’s ok, it might save you feeling hurt unnecessarily. Don’t give up trying!

At times, too, you may lose friendships. This can be painful and make you question yourself and the relationship you had, but remember that friendships have seasons and many of the connections you find yourself developing with others aren’t meant to last. When you’re at a certain stage of your life you might connect really well with someone, but over time you both move on and grow in yourselves, you have less in common or less to say to each other, and find new friends. That’s ok.

It’s normal to feel sad and even grieve when you realise you’re not close with a former friend anymore, but try to think of the relationship as a positive thing in your life that you’re glad you got to enjoy, and now as you’ve grown, it’s time to look forward to what’s coming next.

Finding good friends to start with is really tough - especially ones you can trust and who help you see the best in yourself. Friends will come and go in your life but the really good ones stick with you and stick up for you no matter what.

It’s important to remember that you – exactly as you are – are enough and you are awesome. You don’t need to change yourself to make other people like you, and if your friends want you to change who you are and what you like in order to fit in, they may not be a positive part of your life. Stick to your values and don’t let a friend’s opinion change your identity and what you believe in.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t try to grow as a person though! At times our friends can help us become more aware of areas in which we could do better, and that’s a good thing. Just keep an eye on how they’re influencing you and whether the changes you make are making you feel like a happier, more evolved version of yourself or whether you’re starting to feel disconnected from yourself and your roots.

 - It is important not to trust people too easily, so take your time and make sure you know who someone really is before you fully trust them. If you make an online friend, ask them to video chat with you to confirm who they are. If they give you a lot of excuses and don’t want to, that’s a red flag and you need to be very careful about how you interact with them.

If you’re being asked for money or find yourself having to pay for everything when you’re out together, that’s a big red flag and you should re-evaluate that friendship and whether the person is taking advantage of you.

If you’re more introverted than others, it can be especially hard because putting yourself out there in new situations and talking to people you don’t know well can feel scary, stressful and exhausting. Reaching out and connecting with others, however, is the best way to resolve that gap in your life where you’re needing a friend.

If you find in-person interactions tough, it’s ok to use the internet to connect with new people as long as you’re safe. Instagram, Discord, Snapchat and other internet forums and social media platforms give us a place to meet people without the pressure of an in-person conversation or busy environment. Just be careful to make safe choices and never meet someone from the internet in person without bringing a buddy, and never share personal details like your address with someone until you’re sure you know who they are and that you can trust them.

It’s not all easy though, even the best friendships can also be difficult. We’re all different, unique people, so it’s natural that you’re not going to agree on everything. Even best mates have their ups and downs and sometimes they just don’t get you.

Problems with friends are normal. Everyone goes through it. But if your friends are giving you crap all the time, or they’re not accepting you for who you are or listening to what you have to say, it can start to affect the way you feel about yourself.

If you’re feeling like your friends don’t care about you, take a step back and think about why. Are they just really busy right now, or are they dealing with their own problems? Have you grown apart? Maybe they’re really just not being present with you, when you hang out?

It could be that your mates just aren’t the kind of people you need them to be. You can tell if someone is being a caring and present friend to you by looking at the actions they take –both big and small – that show they care.

If they’re talking behind your back in ways that hurt you, leaving you out of things, or saying unkind things to you then this is bullying. Yes, bullying can even come from the people you see as your friends.

Friendships can come in a variety of shapes and forms. You might have a close group of mates, a few individual friends who don’t really know each other, or even just one bestie. You might see them every day at school, once a week at practice, live close to each other or live in different countries and talk online.

However often you see your mates, continue to check in with yourself and your friends around whether your friendship is working for you both or not. Different people have different needs, and while one friend might need heaps of time to hang out, and others may just want to catch up every now and then.

But how do you tell if a friendship is positive?

Telling the truth, even when it can be hard to. You’re both open and honest about who you are when you’re with each other.

Building each other up, encouraging each other to live your best lives and wanting to see each other achieve.

Genuinely caring about each other. Being kind, respectful and not judging despite what’s going on in your lives.

Sticking with each other even when you make mistakes.

Understanding each other’s unique differences and not trying to change each other.

It’s important to remember that friends sometimes hurt each other, but you can always apologize and forgive. Sometimes it might be hard to swallow your pride, but it’s worth it to keep that person in your life.

In contrast, sometimes there are people who we think are our friends, but they actually don’t really care about us as much as they appear to. We need to be careful when having a friendship with these people as they can hurt us or cause problems in our lives.

A friend who is having a negative impact on you might be:

Not wanting you to spend time with your other friends or meet new people

Not willing to compromise in disagreements

Encouraging you to do things that might harm you or get you in trouble

If you think you have friends like this, it may be time to create some distance. Ending any friendship is never easy, but by choosing to see them less and creating space between you, it will allow you to take the time to see if the friendship is truly right for you.

Having good friends is important, but it’s also important to be a good friend to yourself. Be the type of ideal friend that you want to have, and people will be drawn to you and enjoy spending time with you.

When you’re trying to figure out who you are, your friends will play a big part. Think of your close friends and your family as your mirrors. It’s not always easy, but the best thing you can do is be true to yourself. That way when you’re around your friends, the reflection of yourself that you see back from them will be someone you admire, and not someone you don’t like.

If you’re finding that your friendships – or lack of them – is having an impact on your mental health, or you want to talk through any worries about friendships that you have, reach out to a trusted adult or mental health professional and share with them how you’re feeling. They can help you to navigate difficult situations and relationships and ensure that your mental health is supported.

Learn to navigate friendships and build strong, supportive relationships with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

Navigating Friendships | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Friendships

A boy is split in half; one half is at school with a heavy backpack full of books, and the other half is at the rugby field with a heavy bag full of rugby gear. 

There are probably lots of things on your mind right now. Will I fit in? Will there be more work? More pressure? What about exams? Will I have friends in my class? What if I don’t remember where to go? 

It’s totally OK to feel nervous. It’s 

 going from being in an environment you’re comfortable and familiar with to somewhere new.

Your first year of high school can take you by surprise in both positive and negative ways. Here are some things you can expect, to help you mentally prepare for the experience:

You’ll be learning across a wide range of subjects – many of these you’ll be able to choose yourself. This gives you opportunities to really focus on what you enjoy or what will help you achieve the career you want.

You’ll work with different teachers in different classrooms throughout the day. Everything may seem much more unfamiliar because of this but you will soon get to know your teachers and classrooms just like you do now.

You’ll be more independent and responsible for managing your own timetable – this will be more complex than before but you’ll get used to it in no time.

You may have some awesome new extra-curricular activities like sports and clubs to consider joining. These are great ways to make new friends!

Most high schools hold an orientation day before school actually starts. Make sure you attend if you can, so you can get a tour of your new school – this way you know what you’re facing and will have more confidence for your first day. You might even be able to spark new friendships with other people who are feeling just as nervous and excited as you are.

To help things go a little smoother on your first day, you could try a few things like:

Find out if there is anyone you know going to the same school and see if you can catch up

Try to have an early night and a well-rested sleep the night before

Visit the school before you start or study your campus map so you know how to find your way around

Make sure you have all your books and stationery, pack your bag and lay out your uniform the night before

Even if you get off to a bad start, don’t over think it - you’ll settle in soon and find where you feel comfortable, your crew or a way you enjoy expressing yourself.

There’s no denying that there are challenges and hurdles that lie ahead as you adjust to new environments, connections and classes, but these changes are mostly positive and you’ll find yourself a wiser, more capable person because of them.

If you’re really struggling to adjust to your new school, things just aren’t getting any easier or you feel like you can’t bear to face each day, reach out to someone you trust or your school counsellor and talk to them about how you’re feeling.

Starting a new school or level of education is exciting, but it also might be stressful and feel pretty weird and unfamiliar to you. You’re not alone in this – most of the people in your class are probably feeling or have felt the same way. 

Starting a new school or level of education can be exciting, but also overwhelming. The Lowdown Aotearoa is here to help you navigate this transition with ease and confidence. 

Starting School | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Starting School

One boy is pulling another by the collar of his shirt aggressively. A girl is standing in front of them holding her phone, looking at a laughing emoji with a blank stare on her face.

Bullying is when someone repetitively and intentionally harms you, or goes out of their way to make sure you are unhappy. It comes in many different forms – physical, verbal, social and online– and is

Sometimes bullying can be system and come from people in positions of power such as teachers, parents, people in authority at work etc. This is still not ok and you don’t have to accept it. Talk to someone you trust and ask them for support in dealing with this. Here are some links that can help you know what to do:

It’s important to know what bullying can look like:

Hurting your body by kicking, pushing, tripping, hitting or any other form of touching you that you don’t want.

Saying or writing mean things such as threats or hurtful comments

Spreading rumours or sharing personal information about you

Purposefully excluding you from groups or activities

Creating anonymous social media accounts to post mean things online or to troll people

Stealing or damaging people’s belongings

It can be hard to understand why someone chooses to bully, but there can be a lot going on in their own lives that is causing them to make these choices.

When a school finds out that someone is bullying, it doesn’t just mean that that person will be punished. It gives their teachers or school counsellor the chance to try and find out what’s going wrong for that person and give them the support they need to heal and do better.

It is also possible that your school won’t react in that way, or offer you the support that you need. Not all schools are proactive about bullying or support all students equally.

As a Rainbow, Māori or Pasifika person, depending on where you live, you may be more likely to experience bullying in school and your school may be less supportive of you if that happens. If this happens to you, you may need to look for support somewhere else.

If you trust that your parents or caregivers will be supportive of you, talk to them. If you don’t feel like you can have that conversation with them, talk to someone who you trust – maybe a member of your whānau or someone in the rainbow community who will understand what you’re experiencing.

No matter the reason, all bullying is hurtful and wrong. 

It’s not your fault and you are not responsible for how they are treating you.

Dealing with bullying can be tough, and it’s not about fighting back or sucking it up.

There is no simple solution to handling bullying but 

Depending on how bad the bullying is (and only if you are in a safe position to do this) you might be able to try talking to the bully openly about how they’re making you feel. If one of your friends is bullying you, this might be enough to make them stop. It might help to practice this conversation with a friend and ask them to come with you for backup.

Speak up – tell someone you trust and report the bullying to an adult and/or to your school

Stay in a group of friends or ask a friend to pair up with you so that you’re not alone when moving around the school

 to reduce your anxiety or frustration if they’ve upset you

Take up a new activity like martial arts that will help you feel more empowered or confident in yourself

Talk to someone you trust about what is happening

Leave any group chats where the bullying is happening

Clean out your follower list – be ruthless!

Change your privacy settings on social media so that non-followers cannot see your profile or message you

If it’s important to you that your account stays public, take a break from social media for a while

Many people at some point have experienced being bullied. It’s important to remember that it’s not your fault and there is no reason to feel ashamed. You’re not alone.

Even though we’re all different, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Be kind to yourself! Remember that it’s never acceptable to watch or record someone else get bullied or be a bully yourself.

If you think you may have been bullying someone

 and you want to change, remember that it’s as simple as making a choice. You have the power to choose to no longer act in that way.

If you have decided to do better in how you treat someone but you know that you have hurt them –it can be a powerful thing for you both if you apologise and ask for their forgiveness. They may not choose to forgive you and that is their right, but your apology will help both of you move on.

If you’re finding it tough to change your behaviour, don’t give up. Ask someone you trust for support or speak to your school counsellor – they can give you advice and support.

Putting up with other people’s bad days (like a friend being rude when they’re annoyed with you) sucks – but it’s part of life. What’s not OK is when someone sets out to make your life miserable.

Get help and support from The Lowdown Aotearoa to overcome bullying. Learn coping strategies and tips to protect yourself. 

Coping with Bullying | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Bullying

Two friends are hugging in the palms of hands. Over them is a yellow Pacific-patterned umbrella, which is sheltering them from rain with negative words inside.

You probably want to give them as much support as possible, but you may not know what to say or how to help. Even when you’re trying to be supportive, it can feel like you’re getting it all wrong.

It’s important not to judge yourself for being a bit unsure of what to say in these moments. You don’t need to be a doctor or a trained counsellor to support a friend – most of the time, they just need you to show up for them and encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling.

Some simple ways to support a friend who’s struggling include:

Starting a conversation can feel awkward, but it’s easier than you think. Stick to the facts. Don’t judge and try not to make assumptions.

 - Relax, you’re not expected to come up with an instant solution. Just really listen to what they have to say. Even if you don’t understand what they’re going through, accept that it’s very real to them. Just let them know you’re there for them and you’re happy to listen.

– When they’ve finished telling you about what’s going on, try asking how you can help. If they don’t know, try asking “Do you need a hug, do you need me to help you find a solution or do you need to just chill out together and forget about it for a while?”

Check in to see if they want to do anything with you

 - You could do something active, go get food, play video games or go and sit at the beach. Remember it’s also okay to do nothing- chilling out with no expectations is all good.

- It’s good to try to understand what your friend is going through, but it’s important to also understand that their experience is their own and right now they need to process it. Try to do your best not to butt in and take over their experiences with your own story.

If you’re concerned about a friend, one of the most important things you can do is encourage them to get professional mental health support. If you know they might be open to do this but might need some extra support, you may even be able to offer to accompany them as their support person, if you have capacity and you feel that your own safety won’t be at risk by doing so. Check out 

 for free and affordable ways you and your friends can get in touch with a mental health professional.

to talk to someone who cares and can support you. 

If you believe a friend may be thinking about harming themselves, call 

 if it's happening right now, or check out 

 for support if they're safe right now and you need advice.

Does a friend seem really down lately? Is someone you care about struggling, and you’re unsure how to help? It can be hard to know what to do when a friend is going through a tough time. They might be having troubles at school, facing whānau issues, going through a breakup or struggling with something else completely. 


Seeing a friend struggle can be tough, but you can make a difference. Discover practical tips and tools for supporting a friend through a tough time with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

How to Support a Friend | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Supporting a Friend

Friendships can have a big impact on your mental health and well-being, but they're not always easy to create or maintain. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

#Friends

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