The Lowdown

In 'NWA', 17-year-old Lisa Tuulima emphasises the importance of friendship as a source of comfort and connection in a world that can often feel isolating. The poem speaks to finding support in each other's company and being able to be yourself without fear of judgement.

In 'NWA', Lisa Tuulima uses the power of spoken word to highlight the unique bond of true friendship and how it provides comfort and connection in a world that can feel isolating. 

NWA - Lisa Tuulima | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

NWA - Lisa Tuulima

Lost
in a world not made for them
thinking all we have is only one another
pieces of ourselves are missing
constantly failing to acknowledge only
I know what pieces fit together
to make me, me
and you, you
to cry without forcing laughter
to drop an outworn mask
is to truly show you the REAL me
it's to show you
I am human
something we use our humour
to replace  
and call "tough love"
the kind of tough love we received growing up
projected all throughout our friendship
with a hit of bus therapy
every now & then
when we realise
we catch up
with everyone else around us
but we never actually catch up
with each other
tho unaware we quite like them
just socially awkward
but we're quite like them
in the crowd 
But it’s less lonely here
Coz at least we have each other
To whisper secrets to through secret glances
And mock each other 


An aerial drone shot of Ōtara Town Centre.

Mana Pasifika

Poet Grace Iwashita-Taylor expresses what it means to identify in Pasifika in modern COVID times. A powerful spoken word piece that embodies the Saute Aukilani mindset. Music from Brandon Haru.

Expressing ourselves is one way that we are able to reimagine our wellbeing together. Enjoy a creative piece written by Grace Iwashita-Taylor and performed by All-star Ngawati-Salaivao with music by Brandon Huru.

Mana Pasifika: Wellness is Community | The Lowdown NZ

Wellness is Community

In an uncertain world, your body can tremble
hustling just to survive
masina pull on the vasa, causing tides you cannot control
when stillness is too far stretched
and your breath is shallow in your chest
to settle your body
it takes a visit, to self, to aiga
to familiar food cooking on the stove, in your home
within a village of safety.
But
when the safety of that home becomes target
when brown is named scapegoat for blame
when your home is the birthplace of the essential workers
keeping a whole nation moving
frontline and front facing a virus yet, still smiling.
When putting yourself at risk, means income
means cupboards not empty and bills paid.
When someone comes from this village mentality
it's not helpful to ask them to heal alone
because it takes a village to be well.
The atamai of the vā
between the village within you
and the village surrounding you.
For children of the moana
wellness, is collective
is listening to the ocean in YOU
and the ocean in WE
wellness is navigation
is tending to our elderly
wellness is balance
is alofa, is love
wellness is a ritual of alofa
wellness is a radical act of love
wellness is village
is honouring your breath
for a collective shared breath
never bloomed but forever blooming
wellness is US.

The logo of the Sounds of La Salle band with various musical instruments in the background.

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track around reaching out and checking in on our brothers to make sure they are ok. Written and performed by the Sounds of La Salle band.

The boys from Sounds of La Salle create a powerful track on reaching out and checking in our brothers to make sure they're okay. 

Mana Pasifika: "Dear Brother" - SOLS | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

"Dear Brother" - SOLS

Hey Uce
I know you find it hard to speak
thinking this act of speaking up will only make you weak
Kaukala mai 
I know we were taught to be strong
And I mean all affection implanted into this song
I'm here for you
E ui iga kigā lau faku
I just can't stand to see you hurt 
Kaumafai gagā magakau
I know you're feenin and you're feeling for some love 
So you keep dreaming uce 
I've seen it in your tears there's so much pain
Kakou ola ma le magakau e fu’e I kakou le fusipau 
If we ever decided to let it rain, 
but I'm just sayin
I love you uce and I don’t want you hurting yourself
As this facade of being strong only hurts your mental health
But take your time uce
Take all the time and space you need
Just text up when you're ready.
I see you sitting there
Catching your tear drops in your hands
Hiding behind that mask
Crying out when will this all end
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
You don’t have to struggle in silence
You’re more stronger than you seem
We can both get through this temporary suffering 
At every tunnel's end
Just know that there is light 
Know that you got a friend
Just know that everything will be alright
Alright

Three guys are huddling in front of a triangle with golden Pacific patterns. In the middle of the triangle are two hands shaking. 

Having good friendships is really important to our happiness. It helps us to feel secure in our lives, gives us someone to talk to about whatever is on our mind, and gives us special people to hang out with and enjoy the things we like to do together. They can be someone you can talk to about the things you can’t share with anyone else – not even your family. A good friend is someone who’s there for you when you need support, and that’s important to have in your life.

One of the easiest way to find potential new friends is to think about the people who already exist in your wider life. Think friends of friends, the people you know at school but don’t really hang out with, or your sports teammates.

Try and identify a few of these people who you like and would want to be friends with, and follow them on Instagram, TikTok or Snapchat. Over the next little while, start engaging with their stories and content. If something they’ve posted is cool, give it a like. Try responding to one of their stories with a positive message or a question, and see if they engage with that – it could turn into a conversation.

If they respond to you in a friendly way, keep it up – try and start conversations about things they’re posting about, and from there, see if you can keep those conversations going into other topics.

You could say something like “Hey, have you seen Demon Slayer? I can’t wait for the new season!” and if they have, ask them another question related to the topic. If they haven’t, then ask them what they are into and see if there’s something else there you can connect on.

It can take time to build a connection with someone and it won’t always work – not everyone will be a good fit for you as a friend and not everyone will have room in their life or even want to be your friend, but that’s ok. Just like you probably know some people who just aren’t your type of person, you’re not going to be everyone else’s type and if you can recognise that that’s ok, it might save you feeling hurt unnecessarily. Don’t give up trying!

At times, too, you may lose friendships. This can be painful and make you question yourself and the relationship you had, but remember that friendships have seasons and many of the connections you find yourself developing with others aren’t meant to last. When you’re at a certain stage of your life you might connect really well with someone, but over time you both move on and grow in yourselves, you have less in common or less to say to each other, and find new friends. That’s ok.

It’s normal to feel sad and even grieve when you realise you’re not close with a former friend anymore, but try to think of the relationship as a positive thing in your life that you’re glad you got to enjoy, and now as you’ve grown, it’s time to look forward to what’s coming next.

Finding good friends to start with is really tough - especially ones you can trust and who help you see the best in yourself. Friends will come and go in your life but the really good ones stick with you and stick up for you no matter what.

It’s important to remember that you – exactly as you are – are enough and you are awesome. You don’t need to change yourself to make other people like you, and if your friends want you to change who you are and what you like in order to fit in, they may not be a positive part of your life. Stick to your values and don’t let a friend’s opinion change your identity and what you believe in.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t try to grow as a person though! At times our friends can help us become more aware of areas in which we could do better, and that’s a good thing. Just keep an eye on how they’re influencing you and whether the changes you make are making you feel like a happier, more evolved version of yourself or whether you’re starting to feel disconnected from yourself and your roots.

 - It is important not to trust people too easily, so take your time and make sure you know who someone really is before you fully trust them. If you make an online friend, ask them to video chat with you to confirm who they are. If they give you a lot of excuses and don’t want to, that’s a red flag and you need to be very careful about how you interact with them.

If you’re being asked for money or find yourself having to pay for everything when you’re out together, that’s a big red flag and you should re-evaluate that friendship and whether the person is taking advantage of you.

If you’re more introverted than others, it can be especially hard because putting yourself out there in new situations and talking to people you don’t know well can feel scary, stressful and exhausting. Reaching out and connecting with others, however, is the best way to resolve that gap in your life where you’re needing a friend.

If you find in-person interactions tough, it’s ok to use the internet to connect with new people as long as you’re safe. Instagram, Discord, Snapchat and other internet forums and social media platforms give us a place to meet people without the pressure of an in-person conversation or busy environment. Just be careful to make safe choices and never meet someone from the internet in person without bringing a buddy, and never share personal details like your address with someone until you’re sure you know who they are and that you can trust them.

It’s not all easy though, even the best friendships can also be difficult. We’re all different, unique people, so it’s natural that you’re not going to agree on everything. Even best mates have their ups and downs and sometimes they just don’t get you.

Problems with friends are normal. Everyone goes through it. But if your friends are giving you crap all the time, or they’re not accepting you for who you are or listening to what you have to say, it can start to affect the way you feel about yourself.

If you’re feeling like your friends don’t care about you, take a step back and think about why. Are they just really busy right now, or are they dealing with their own problems? Have you grown apart? Maybe they’re really just not being present with you, when you hang out?

It could be that your mates just aren’t the kind of people you need them to be. You can tell if someone is being a caring and present friend to you by looking at the actions they take –both big and small – that show they care.

If they’re talking behind your back in ways that hurt you, leaving you out of things, or saying unkind things to you then this is bullying. Yes, bullying can even come from the people you see as your friends.

Friendships can come in a variety of shapes and forms. You might have a close group of mates, a few individual friends who don’t really know each other, or even just one bestie. You might see them every day at school, once a week at practice, live close to each other or live in different countries and talk online.

However often you see your mates, continue to check in with yourself and your friends around whether your friendship is working for you both or not. Different people have different needs, and while one friend might need heaps of time to hang out, and others may just want to catch up every now and then.

But how do you tell if a friendship is positive?

Telling the truth, even when it can be hard to. You’re both open and honest about who you are when you’re with each other.

Building each other up, encouraging each other to live your best lives and wanting to see each other achieve.

Genuinely caring about each other. Being kind, respectful and not judging despite what’s going on in your lives.

Sticking with each other even when you make mistakes.

Understanding each other’s unique differences and not trying to change each other.

It’s important to remember that friends sometimes hurt each other, but you can always apologize and forgive. Sometimes it might be hard to swallow your pride, but it’s worth it to keep that person in your life.

In contrast, sometimes there are people who we think are our friends, but they actually don’t really care about us as much as they appear to. We need to be careful when having a friendship with these people as they can hurt us or cause problems in our lives.

A friend who is having a negative impact on you might be:

Not wanting you to spend time with your other friends or meet new people

Not willing to compromise in disagreements

Encouraging you to do things that might harm you or get you in trouble

If you think you have friends like this, it may be time to create some distance. Ending any friendship is never easy, but by choosing to see them less and creating space between you, it will allow you to take the time to see if the friendship is truly right for you.

Having good friends is important, but it’s also important to be a good friend to yourself. Be the type of ideal friend that you want to have, and people will be drawn to you and enjoy spending time with you.

When you’re trying to figure out who you are, your friends will play a big part. Think of your close friends and your family as your mirrors. It’s not always easy, but the best thing you can do is be true to yourself. That way when you’re around your friends, the reflection of yourself that you see back from them will be someone you admire, and not someone you don’t like.

If you’re finding that your friendships – or lack of them – is having an impact on your mental health, or you want to talk through any worries about friendships that you have, reach out to a trusted adult or mental health professional and share with them how you’re feeling. They can help you to navigate difficult situations and relationships and ensure that your mental health is supported.

If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are having suicidal thoughts, 

to talk to someone who cares and can support you.

Learn to navigate friendships and build strong, supportive relationships with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

Navigating Friendships | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Friendships

Two friends are hugging in the palms of hands. Over them is a yellow Pacific-patterned umbrella, which is sheltering them from rain with negative words inside.

You probably want to give them as much support as possible, but you may not know what to say or how to help. Even when you’re trying to be supportive, it can feel like you’re getting it all wrong.

It’s important not to judge yourself for being a bit unsure of what to say in these moments. You don’t need to be a doctor or a trained counsellor to support a friend – most of the time, they just need you to show up for them and encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling.

Some simple ways to support a friend who’s struggling include:

Starting a conversation can feel awkward, but it’s easier than you think. Stick to the facts. Don’t judge and try not to make assumptions.

 - Relax, you’re not expected to come up with an instant solution. Just really listen to what they have to say. Even if you don’t understand what they’re going through, accept that it’s very real to them. Just let them know you’re there for them and you’re happy to listen.

– When they’ve finished telling you about what’s going on, try asking how you can help. If they don’t know, try asking “Do you need a hug, do you need me to help you find a solution or do you need to just chill out together and forget about it for a while?”

Check in to see if they want to do anything with you

 - You could do something active, go get food, play video games or go and sit at the beach. Remember it’s also okay to do nothing- chilling out with no expectations is all good.

- It’s good to try to understand what your friend is going through, but it’s important to also understand that their experience is their own and right now they need to process it. Try to do your best not to butt in and take over their experiences with your own story.

If you’re concerned about a friend, one of the most important things you can do is encourage them to get professional mental health support. If you know they might be open to do this but might need some extra support, you may even be able to offer to accompany them as their support person, if you have capacity and you feel that your own safety won’t be at risk by doing so. Check out 

 for free and affordable ways you and your friends can get in touch with a mental health professional.

to talk to someone who cares and can support you. 

If you believe a friend may be thinking about harming themselves, call 

 if it's happening right now, or check out 

 for support if they're safe right now and you need advice.

Does a friend seem really down lately? Is someone you care about struggling, and you’re unsure how to help? It can be hard to know what to do when a friend is going through a tough time. They might be having troubles at school, facing whānau issues, going through a breakup or struggling with something else completely. 


Seeing a friend struggle can be tough, but you can make a difference. Discover practical tips and tools for supporting a friend through a tough time with The Lowdown Aotearoa.

How to Support a Friend | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Supporting a Friend

Supporting others can be very powerful for both parties involved. Find support, connect and learn on the Lowdown.

#SupportingOthers

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