Manutioriori in her room, smiling, with a bunch of photos and bright artwork around her.

The Lowdown

When you feel down, it might feel easier to push those feelings away. Manutioriori shares with us her journey and a gentle reminder that you don't have to deal with them alone. 

Join Manutioriori as she shares her journey and reminds us that we don't have to deal with our feelings alone. 

Manutioriori's Story Part 1 | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

Manutioriori's Story - Part 1

I didn’t notice things building up. 
But if I look back at it, everything started in intermediate. 
Intermediate was rough. 
Bullying is something that is normalised in our country. 
You can put signs that say bullying is wrong or say “stop it I don’t like it”, but what does that really even help. 
I was bullied by someone I grew up with through primary and intermediate.
I don’t know what made her do it, but I kind of felt betrayed because she was someone I really trusted. 
During the same time that all of this was happening my parents were going through a divorce.
But because I was only young, I didn’t really comprehend the situation. 
I did see how much it hurt the rest of my siblings though. 

When it did end up being just me and the kids.
I learnt very early on that if I couldn’t be open and honest with them about what was going on in my world,
which was affecting their world, we were never going to be okay. 
I actually sat them all down and had that conversation with them about the fact that their father had gone 
and that he wasn’t coming back.
Because it was the only thing I knew to do. 
So, in amongst everything that we’ve done and all the things we’ve been through, that’s the only thing that I could ever do was just talk or try and get them to talk.
But when they stop talking to you, that’s when it gets really hard.
Because when they’re not talking, you don’t know how they’re feeling and you don’t know what more you can do to try and pull them back up.

Even though I didn’t properly comprehend the divorce, I was disappointed with my dad.
He wasn’t around as much as I wanted him to be, mainly because he wasn’t in stable accommodation. 
The relationship I had with my dad started to fade because I was upset with him. 
In my head I was thinking “why now?” why does he want to be a part of our lives now, because it seems like he’s trying more now than when he lived under our roof. 

With Manutioriori, I think looking back I think that there were definitely signs when her – me and her father separated. 
Slowly but surely the signs were getting more and more obvious.
But she talks more about when her grandfather – who was her father’s father passed away. 

Highschool came around, I made new friends, I settled in pretty well. 
It was actually better than I expected.
And then boom, koro passed away.
It felt like everything started falling apart.
I had lost the mana Māori person that I looked up to and adored. 
My grandfather was the type of person that loved his grandkids more than anything. 
The person that we could run away to knowing we would be safe.
I can’t really explain the way I felt, but going to his house, even now, feels like there’s something missing. 
It’s hard for me to place an emotion on it. 
Mostly grief, uh guilt because you know I didn’t see my grandfather before he passed away. Yeah.
I tried to push it away, but it was still sitting in the back of my head. 
I think it would’ve got to a point where I would’ve started like self-harm, even though I don’t like thinking about that, yeah.

When you get to a point where you feel like you’ve done all that you possibly could, fear starts to kick in.
Fear that you know um that they’re just going to lose the plot or you’re going to lose them. 
And it can get really hard, you know then you start sort of judging yourself.
Looking at your own inadequacies, like you’re not good enough to be a parent.
Um, it can be quite hard and I think in amongst it all when it gets to that point, 
you spend a lot of time trying to show on the outside that that’s not how you feel.
So you still have to walk around with the brave face, even though the brain is just going “oh my god, oh my god, what am I going to do next?”
After her grandfather passed away, I mean I wouldn’t say that she was a very confident and open child before he passed away, but she definitely went a little bit darker.
Um, after he passed and then of course I think it was a year later his wife passed away. 
So that was another huge toll on all of them including her. 


Te kore, Te po, Te ao Marama by Ivy Lyden-Hancy

In Te kore, Te po, Te ao Marama, 17-year-old poet Ivy Lyden-Hancy's words speak to her identity as a wahine Māori in a changing world. Surrounded by the lasting impacts of colonisation, Ivy paints a picture of the Aotearoa that was, and that one day could be.

In Te kore, Te po, Te ao Marama, poet Ivy Lyden-Hancy's words speak to her identity as a wahine Māori in a changing world.

Te kore, Te po, Te ao Marama - Ivy Lyden-Hancy | The Lowdown Aotearoa

Te kore, Te po, Te ao Marama - Ivy Lyden-Hancy

i walk through concrete rivers 
Wairoa lingering through powerlines
surrounded by rakau 
which has been manufactured 
manipulated 
into the warmth of one’s home 
many homes 
white picket fences and 
sky tower brown 

as i look up to pukekiwiriki 
laying at the sickle of this maunga 
i imagine i am my tupuna
our tangata from before
surrounded by rakau of lush forests 
While melodies of te manu engulf me in its mana 
While wahine moving through grub and fern 
stripping the white man's grass off all infinite crossways 
i replace it with kowhai 
                                  pohutakawa 
                   kauri
pikopiko
all things Māori 

to be Māori is to imagine aotearoa before colonisation 
to be grounded amongst papa 
amongst the kumara pits
their flagstaff will fall 
a tohu that we have taken our whenua back 
our tikanga 
our tangata
holy hands of concrete statues will reach out to me 
amongst the rubble
 they will speak reo pakeha 
a constant reminder of what they have taken from us 

in that we will remove the ink of our ta moko
unbury the mass graves 
remove our taonga from the museums 
reclaim our reo 

they will be at the end of our pū
our rangatira behind us on the path they have paved 
tapu tinana 
tapu wairoa 
aotearoa te tapu whenua 
amene

In 'ii - The Vessel', Laith Alawneh speaks to the whanaungatanga we hold with our whānau, our mātua and our tīpuna, and how our relationships with our loved ones evolve with us as we grow.

Laith is 17 and resides in Tāmaki Makaurau. 

In 'ii - The Vessel', Laith Alawneh speaks to the whanaungatanga we hold with our whānau, our mātua and our tīpuna, and how our relationships with our loved ones evolve with us as we grow.

ii - The Vessel - Laith Alawneh | The Lowdown Aotearoa

ii - The Vessel - Laith Alawneh

Family is a body
a vessel of life
each vein and artery plays a part
with each breath taken
love courses through your vessel
reminding you of who truly loves you
from the day of conceivement 
you were the heart

and your mother’s love flowed through you all the time
you used the wisdom 
that has been passed down through 
generations of warriors to guide you
touch, you learnt your fathers touch in his absence
knowing that it’s okay to be gentle

and you can plaster his pain across your skin but the body finds a way to heal itself
you learn to appreciate his absence
as he has gifted you life, and passed on your mind

as your mother births again, 
she cannot flow her love to you all the time, 

                it would be selfish of her

so your siblings lay in the hand of your vessel 
they help steer through the stormiest nights 
but sometimes they need you to take charge
so you cut them, so they can regrow into a better version of themselves

we take a lot of first breaths: shock, fear, excitement
with the conceivement of your own
the breath you take when you see them
opens your airways to a new dimension 
they become the heart of your vessel
and you breath for them, without them life can not be lived

as time continues
your mother will no longer be able to flow love through your heart 
and slowly the vessel collapses
but you live on in your son’s vessel
and if any part of your vessel is missing, the vessel will collapse
and that’s how life is


Ever since she was a young child Callida knew she was different to everybody else in her life, but for years she didn't understand what that meant for her. Watch the video to hear Callida share her journey, beginning as a rangatahi, toward understanding and owning her identity as a proud trans wāhine.

Join Callida on her journey towards self-discovery and owning her identity as a proud trans wāhine.

Manioro: Callida's Story | The Lowdown Aotearoa 

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Join our panel as they discuss the ongoing Syphillis epidemic in Aotearoa and share important information on how to protect yourself. From syptoms to treatment options, this episode of Let's Talk About Ai is a must-watch for anyone seeking to stay informed about sexual health. 

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Manutioriori's Story - Part 1

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